SELF-RESPECT: The key to inner peace.


Why do so many women feel they necessarily need a partner to feel worthwhile, valued and powerful? That is what I am asking myself constantly while I cross paths with so many incredible women who underestimate, criticize and put too much pressure on themselves or even worse – put  themselves after their partner. They refuse to see their own beauty, their potential and hiding power underneath their facade. I see so many women falling apart while constantly craving a partner they think do need or after being left by a man – sometimes brutally broken and yes, that pretty much sucks but don't we all know the feeling somehow?

It is truly disappointing to see so many women feeling powerless and scared to raise their voice, afraid to stand for their beliefs and to make clear their point of views - when being alone. Women who are fearless and self-confident in a relationship but kind of lost when their partner leaves them behind. And all that's left is insecurity and the dependence on someone they think do need to stand their back. But is that how we should define ourselves? How we should feel? An acceptance of obsequiousness, an apparent naturalness women have to submit – imprisoned by our own false beliefs.

NO. I am convinced that every single woman is able to be self-independent, self-confident and self-determined deep within their souls. Thinking we need a man to tell us how beautiful, inspiring and intriguing we are is just an illusion we got used to and that stucks in our heads since we've grown up in a society that still tells us we are less worth on our own or let’s face it – less worth than men.
What about standing in front of the mirror and embracing ourselves for who we are? Even if someone might have given us the feeling of not being enough, we still are. Even if they are not able to see our value, it doesn't mean you don't have a value for this society, for someone or for something.

I'm tired of putting guilt and shame on my shoulders because of someone who has told me I'm not good enough the way I am - not good enough as a friend, not good enough at what I call my true inner passion and what keeps me going continually, not good enough for a lover, for a partner. I’m pretty sure that deep inside many women are done with having issues and self-doubts but sadly don’t know how to build themselves up.

Here is the permanent struggle we find ourselves in: Our society still sucks according to categorized thinking, the non-existing equality of all kinds of people – whether we talk about men or women, black or white people, Muslims or Catholics or whatever kinds of categories one could think of. There will always be people questioning who you are, doubting you and wanting to bring you down in a physical but more important in a mental way. That is what jealousy, resentment, anger and insecurity does with people – they start to spread hate. Many women are already insecure as a result from former experiences and natural given circumstances but when they also might get insulted, doubted or even worse – sexual harassed or abused – the vicious circle begins. We should start preventing those situations, having more self-respect, taking care of our own dignity.

There exists already enough hate, disrespect and inequality in this world, so this should be at least the one thing that makes the world – our own world – a little bit more shiny. Something that lies in our hands , something we can change. Always having in mind: Imperfections are the perfections of humanity, making mistakes and observe them as mistakes, challenges, influences and teaches you lessons. Being proud of yourself from time to time is not a shame – self-respect is not a shame, self-respect is essential to survive. Neither is it an egoistic character trait, it is the key to satisfaction and inner peace. Those who tell you the opposite, who spread negativity are people you should get rid of in your life. Let them pass. Enough people will step in your life and bring out the best in you. But even in these moments where you don't have anyone to cheer you up, you still have yourself. This is the power we all have and should use.
Learning how to respect and accept yourself for who you are is constant work and a life-time-journey. But reaching the point where you embrace yourself with all your flaws, mistakes you made in the past and the scars you are able to reveal now is the most precious gift and totally worth to give it a try. Being female is not a disadvantage, neither a disgrace. We don't need anybody to validate our power. And always keep in mind: We are more than just a socially created stereotype.


Denise.